I love social media! I love to keep up to date with what old friends and family are up to via Facebook. I love to scroll Facebook market place to see if I can find some good deals on childrens toys (not that I buy much ever!). I love to post cute photos and videos of my girls on Instagram. I love to follow other creative business to get ideas and tips.
I feel really weird about writing this all out, it’s like admitting to a dirty secret! But I don’t think I am alone in my need to check social media ten times a day, maybe more. Am I? What is this obsession and is it good for me?
Social media is an amazing way for us to “showcase” our lives to the rest of the world. We can choose exactly what we want people to see and how they see it. To start with, a lot of those insta squares were showing all the good and amazing stuff. Whether that is an emaculate kitchen, picture perfect views, cute kids, creative mums, funny dads, awesome make up, fitness routines or work success. The effect these had on me were two-fold: 1) I wanted to be these people, and create a picture perfect world around me and 2) I then felt really crap about myself and my surroundings, and was filled with self doubt. I would compare myself to others, especially those of a similar age and think “how have they managed to get to where they are? Could I do that? Probably not, as I’m not any good at most things”.
However, lots of accounts started popping up showing us “real” life, with all the chaos and things deemed “not beautiful” by the media. This ranged from a wrecked living room with filthy happy children, hairy female armpits or legs (god forbid), a burnt cake, stretch marks, grey hair, no make up, and so on.
These accounts that showed us ‘real life were so refreshing and for the first time I could relate to many of the people behind the accounts. They made me realise, that it’s OK to not be perfect but also how important it is to own who you are or who you want to be. This is such an important message!
Unfortunately, these “real” life accounts also made me feel inadequate, funny enough. I felt that these accounts had a message and these people had things to say. I didn’t have anything to say! How could I compete with them on these social platforms?
Social media picks on our vanity and enhances our self doubt by making individuals compare themselves to others constantly. Every time you scroll and hit like, comment or share we are validating other peoples’ self worth and in turn our own. This can become dangerously addictive and damaging.
What changed?
So I was feeling really down about my business and I was getting really confused about who I was and what my business was about. Somebody asked what my goals were and I ruminated on this for about a week and came up with nothing. It is really scary saying out loud what you want from life when you are scared of failure.
Randomly, one night I opened up to my husband that I was really struggling with juggling being a good mum, wife, creator, business women, friend, sister, daughter, teacher. I was putting so much pressure on myself to do all these roles perfectly, that I was beginning to crumble. I came to realise that social media was a massive contributer to these feelings. I wasted so much time scrolling, it was taking away from time I could spend doing anything else that would have a positive impact on my life.
My husband convinced me to delete Facebook and Instagram from my phone and to put timers on some of the other apps I use regularly. I was pretty nervous, and worried what I would do without them. The first couple of days were weird – those times I would pick up my phone for no reason and check social media, were gone…. how would I fill that? Did I need to fill it?
Amazingly, I have gone almost a month without these apps. It feels like a really long time. I miss sharing pictures of my girls but I am so relieved not to have that pressure of thinking “is this moment insta worthy?”. I feel a certain freedom. The freedom from comparing myself and my abilities to others constantly. I am learning to trust in my own self worth, and that is empowering.
Will I go back?
Currently, I am still reluctant but I know I will go back as I do enjoy elements of it. However, I know now that I don’t need it like I thought I did. I will set time limits and use it to suit me rather than to suit and please others.
Hoopoe Crafts 